A customer was in there.
In an instant, Mo Xi was overwhelmed by anger, disgusted beyond reason.
Blood roiled in his chest and his hands shook with hatred.
But for what reason should he hate?
Should he hate those who came to flip the sign on Gu Mang’s door? But they were only paying for their own pleasure.
Should he hate Wangshu-jun? But he’d only sought to humiliate a traitor.
The only person he could hate, then, was Gu Mang.
After all, Gu Mang brought this upon himself. And not only did he himself have to fall to this point, he had to drag Mo Xi down as well in his own misery.
Mo Xi stared at the bright red letters on the sign, the color burning itself into his retinas like the spread of an incurable contagion.
He had the sudden feeling of deja vu, as though reliving a nightmare.
Back then, they’d also been at a brothel. Back then, it had still been Gu Mang sitting within, leaving him to stand outside in his agony.
At the time, he had just returned from a mission when he overheard that the new lord had stripped Gu Mang of his position. The news sent him into a state of confused denial, to the point where, once the day ended, he went to a brothel to drown his worries in drink– still refusing to believe the rumor.
But when he, panting like a fool, stood in the shadowed light, pushed past the light chatter, and opened the heavy sandalwood door to the room, he still saw, in the furthest corner, that same figure.
The face he saw was still that same face, but the person seemed to no longer be that same person.
Gu Mang laid on the far end of the bed, surrounded by finery. The incense burned slowly from the golden figurine, light green smoke rising lazily upward, veiling the room in its haze. When he heard the noise, he opened his bleary eyes, and his dark eyes swept over Mo Xi– but as though he couldn’t see the hurt and fury on his old friend’s face, he only smiled stupidly.
Gu Mang smiled in that carefree manner, and Mo Xi felt something in his heart break with it.
“It’s just sex, you can do it with anyone. What are you taking this so seriously for?”
Back then, that was what Gu Mang said to him.
Gu Mang never cared about such things. This is the reason why he’d been able to make it onto Mo Xi’s bed in the first place, breathing heavily as he cupped Mo Xi’s anxious face, consoling him, saying, It’s alright, Gu Mang-gege is made of thick skin, whatever you want to do, I can take it. As long as Shidi likes it, as long as Shidi wants… then you still can… you still can go harder…
During those months of wild harassment, there had also been times where Gu Mang had been fucked so hard that he ended up crying, hazily murmuring his name, choking out “I love you.”
But he probably didn’t take it seriously.
Which is why he could still smile as he laid in the tender valley[1], uncaring of what went on around him.
Mo Xi had been too foolish.
Like a foolish child, he had fallen for that kind of pillow talk.
“What about it?”
After being abandoned by his new lord, Gu Mang’s chosen course of action wasn’t to pick himself back up. Or maybe it was what the lord had done, or the people who’d died, that shattered his spirit, causing him to fling himself into a life of filth and slough.
Smoke, drink, women.
Whatever could conjure the most dreams, he’d drown himself in them. It was only in those fantasies that he could be the General Gu he once was, his comrades and hot-blooded youth still held close.
In the present, from the room in the Fallen Blossom Court, came the soft noise of voices speaking. Mo Xi’s breath caught in his throat. He turned around sharply, walked to the end of the pathway, and faced out, breathing heavily. His long fingers clutched onto the frame of the window, the strength of his grip splintering the wood.
Bitch.
Eyes rimmed with red, Mo Xi was silent as he gazed into the night.
The vehement curse came to him from the bottom of his heart. This was the first time in his life that he’d ever thought to use such poisonous words to describe another person.
Gu Mang, that bitch.
He thought he’d understood Gu Mang once, thought he was the one who understand Gu Mang more than anyone else. He’d been that foolish, to have held Gu Mang in his heart, to have seen him as the person most precious to him.
He had been that stupid. Didn’t Gu Mang himself tell him that sleeping together wasn’t supposed to mean much? That sleeping together multiple times only meant that they both appreciated each other’s bodies?
But, despite it all, he still couldn’t stop himself from seeing the other as a lover he could never betray. In this respect, his views were traditional and stubborn, his unyielding temperament something no one could dissuade.
That was why he had trusted Gu Mang with such conviction. Even when the world itself condemned Gu Mang, he still stood before the court of Chonghua, and spoke to all present– I, Mo Xi, swear on my life that Gu Mang would never betray the country.
But Gu Mang lied.
Gu Mang betrayed him.
Betrayed his trust again and again, betrayed his hopes day by day.
Until he finally put his sword through Mo Xi’s chest and told him that he could never turn back.
He had once thought that there was no way it could ever get worse than that.
Who could’ve thought that, even now, Gu Mang could still find a way to crush his already-broken heart––
Before entering the Fallen Blossom Court, Mo Xi actually still held a small spark of hope in his heart. He had hoped that Gu Mang was still the strong, proud Gu Mang he once knew, the one who refused to show deference before anyone, to let them take away his smile[2]. If that had been so, his heart, pierced and battered so many times by Gu Mang, could’ve perhaps received some relief.
But Gu Mang wouldn’t even give him that.
Mo Xi felt that even his bones were shaking with the force of his hatred.
To stay alive, Gu Mang could bring himself to… to...
With a bang, the door opened.
Mo Xi’s spine stiffened, his posture resembling that of a hawk about to strike. He did not turn his head, but he knew that the sound came from Gu Mang’s direction.
A figure stumbled out of Gu Mang’s room, grumbling. He spat a mouthful of phlegm onto the ground, and still cursing, descended with heavy steps down the stairs. The sharp smell of alcohol followed him as he left.
The customer who just left was a drunken lush.
Mo Xi’s disgust intensified. Still rooted in place, he forcefully suppressed the rage rising in his chest.
After a while, until the smell of alcohol finally dissipated, he finally raised his head and closed his eyes. When he opened it, it was with a serenity that was almost strange. Silently, he went back to Gu Mang’s door.
He paused, then lifted his black military boot, pushing open the painted door that had just been closed.
He finally entered Gu Mang’s room.
The room was dim, with only one lantern lit. The stomach-turning smell of alcohol still lingered. His expression tight, Mo Xi walked into the room, sweeping his eyes over its contents. No one was there.
He gave the room another sweep, and halfway through, he noticed the faint sound of water coming from behind the folding screen.
Gu Mang was taking a bath.
The realization hit him like a blow to the back of the head, knocking him dizzy. He felt lightheaded, almost crazed, as blood rushed to his head, dying his eyes in red. He bit his lip, turning his head to the side. His nails have already dug themselves deep into his palm, barely holding back the full force of his rage.
But what did Gu Mang have to do with him now?! Why should it matter to him if Gu Mang got humiliated, got tormented, got… got… What did any of it have to do with him!
He didn’t know why he felt so furious, why his hate never abated with the passage of time.
In order to not let himself get carried away, Mo Xi sat sat at the small table, solemnly closing his eyes. Waiting for Gu Mang to come out as he wondered to himself, when Gu Mang saw him, how would he react?
When he himself saw Gu Mang, what would he even say?
It was in this matter that Mo Xi gritted his teeth in silence, not noticing when the water finally stopped.
It was only until another lantern in the room lighted up that he finally jerked back into consciousness, blinking as he turned his head. Next to the lamp stand, a young man in white underclothes looked at him silently for who knows how long.
That face was still the same as the one from his memories.
Though, it was significantly thinner.
For a second, no one spoke.
The young man stood in silence, his robe loose, revealing the cursed collar on his neck. His feet were bare, his mop of black hair untied, limply falling to his shoulders, framing his pale, thin face in a way that made his eyes seem exceptionally bright. Because he had only just cleaned himself, drops of water dripped from his hair, from his neck, to his collarbones, to his chest… until they disappeared beneath what the robe uncovered, leaving behind only trails of wetness.
Gu Mang.
Gu Mang…
The room was disturbingly quiet. In that silence, the sound of lovemaking from the neighboring room seemed even more piercing.
The whites of Mo Xi’s eyes were still faintly red, his clenched fist still shaking. He stared at the other man, his throat bobbing, as though he wanted to say something but was unable to say it.
At last, they meet. At last, they meet again.
Before, he had so many questions. Now, he couldn’t think of a single one.
The only thing his blurry eyes saw was a scene from many years ago, on a battleship. Gu Mang standing before him, stolen blue-gold ribbon tied crookedly on his forehead, lifting his head with a sword still dripping with blood. Looking at him with a complicated expression, saying, “I really will kill you.”
At the time, Mo Xi had thought, perhaps that was the end for them.
But now, Gu Mang once again stood before him, a solemn look in his eyes, not making a sound as he looked at him.
It was funny. Mo Xi’s hate ran so deeply, and yet in this moment, he was so caught up in it that he failed to notice Gu Mang’s appearance in time, missing Gu Mang’s reaction to seeing him again.
And now, Gu Mang displayed hardly any reaction at all, looking at him like he would any other customer who walked in during these two years, the emotion on his face not any that Mo Xi was familiar with.
It was this kind of serene reunion.
So serene that it was strange.
The two of them held each others’ gazes for another moment. And then Gu Mang walked over and sat down next to Mo Xi.
It was probably this calm motion that threw Mo Xi’s expectations for the encounter.
Although his expression remained unmoved, he unconsciously leaned away.
“You…”
Gu Mang suddenly took a small bamboo scroll from the table, passing it silently to him.
Mo Xi didn’t know what it was for, but took it anyway. Placing it under the faint light of the lanterns, he opened the scroll. Skimming through the lines, he read through its contents and felt his blood rush with heat and then with a sudden chill.
Until he reached the end, shut his eyes, and threw the scroll vehemently onto the table!
It fell with a bang.
The serene atmosphere was broken.
“…Gu Mang.” Mo Xi stared at him, still restrained. But the red in his eyes shone with more intensity, his fingers still shaking. “Have you gone fucking mad?”
“You must choose.”
Gu Mang opened his mouth.
After all this time, when they finally met again, his first words were these three. And he could say it with such blandness.
He picked the scroll back up, and once again tried to pass it to Mo Xi. “Choose one.”
“What do you think I am here to do?!”
Gu Mang’s vocabulary seemed to now be limited to only this one word: “Choose.”
Mo Xi felt so angry that he could ascend. His chest rose and fell, his dark eyes filled with savage fury. The red in his eyes blazed even brighter. His fury, his disappointment, his hatred, his sorrow, all were reflected in the bloody color of his eyes.
He gripped that small bamboo scroll. After a moment, he threw it back onto the table.
The scroll burst open, revealing the Fallen Blossom Court’s rates written on it. From chatting, to sharing a drink, to taking out one’s frustrations, to brutalization, to… to…
Mo Xi jerked his eyes away from it.
“If you won’t choose, what am I to do.”
Mo Xi was already on the brink of madness, but he still held himself back. He was hot-headed, but he knew how to resist, so it was with gritted teeth that he said, “What do you mean, what are you to do.”
Gu Mang stared at him placidly, his gaze like a ripple-less pond. “Aren’t you here for whoring?”
“………..”
Mo Xi’s expression stiffened.
He never thought that this word would ever be used in association with his name.
Actually, the very implication had his stomach spasming in nausea.
“Gu Mang, you…” “It’s what everyone comes here to do,” said Gu Mang. “If you won’t, why are you here.”
For the third time, he reached for the bamboo scroll, and unfurled it before Mo Xi.
“Choose, or leave.”
“...”
Author’s notes
“Before and After”
Before––
Mo Xi: I don’t care about Gu Mang.
Mo Xi: We’ve already separated.
Mo Xi: Why would it matter to me whether he’s alive or dead.
After––
Mo Xi: You betrayed me.
Mo Xi: You pursued me so messily and then just gave me up.
Mo Xi: If you never took it seriously, why did you seduce me in the first place?!!!!!
Gu Mang: …friends, do you know the lesson now? Some men, no matter how long their legs, how handsome their faces, how well they live, you should still never get in bed with them. Otherwise, even if he’s the one who fucked you, he’d still want you to take responsibility for him… orz
Translator Notes:
[1]溫柔鄉 wēnróu xiāng: Literally the tender valley, a euphemism used to describe sex and flirtation. The saying of “the tender valley is the hero’s grave,” comes from this term: love/lust can conquer even the strongest of men.
[2] 安能摧眉折腰事权贵，使我不得开心颜！: “Why must I lower my brow and bend my back before the nobility, to make myself unable to smile freely!” A line from Li Bai’s 梦游天姥吟留别, displaying the poet’s irreverence and pride.
Dante's Notes: Nothing really much to add here, haha. Hope all of you are having a nice summer~ I'll have my plate pretty full with sum
mer school and work but I'll definitely have less on my plate! Let's see if we can squeeze some more double updates in here.
Chapter translated by Haystack ^-^