/Warnings for allusions to violence and explicit content
It killed Mo Xi not to be able to raise his foot and kick him to death in one kick. But because he could not let him catch sight of his face, he could only suppress his voice and said coldly, "Get out."
"Hey, what's with your tone?"
Zhou Gongzi's smiling face was frozen. He was momentarily stunned, but it was not long before he turned menacing.
"Do you know who I am?"
"I don't care who you are. Can't you see what I'm doing? Get lost now!"
Gu Mang seemed to be fascinated with his role as a tyrant and stared into his eyes unblinkingly. There was only a few inches of distance between both of them, and with Gu Mang looking so fixedly at him, he could not help but feel uneasy.
Mo Xi lowered his voice and said, "Stop staring into my eyes."
Gu Mang was very obedient, and thus he lowered his eyelashes and began to stare at Mo Xi's pale-colored lips.
Mo Xi, "......"
Zhou Gongzi saw that they were still preoccupied with each other and paid him no attention. He raised his voice and said angrily, "Telling me to get lost? Who do you think you are?!"
He gritted his teeth and continued, "Your Zhou Ge wants his company, why don't you get the hint and make way for your Zhou Ge? Do you know where I'm from? The Military Office!"
"Xihe Jun Commander-in-chief Mo is my buddy! Are you scared now? You'd better believe that he will break your legs if I lodge a complaint against you!"
Mo Xi, "......"
Zhou Gongzi was drunk and his words became wilder, "Also, you with the surname Gu. You little beast, no matter what I said the last time you wouldn't let me kiss you, but now you're willing to with a different person. You said your soul was defective, and your mind, deficient. Bah! Not in the right mind and you can still be picky?"
Mo Xi's heart skipped a beat.
His soul, defective......
His mind, deficient?
He looked at Gu Mang's face in front of him, the previous scenes of everything that had been odd all came back to him.
The buzzing in his head made him breathless for a moment.
"I think you are just feigning madness to have an easier time! What soul do you lack? Which part of your mind isn't whole? You're just a slut! Traitor!"
Gu Mang frowned and was about to speak up.
"Don't move." Although the blood was roaring in Mo Xi's ears, he still had the presence of mind to react in time. He immediately intercepted Gu Mang's attempt to speak, closed his own eyes, and forced himself to remain calm.
"You stay still......"
Their lips were so close together that every word Mo Xi said in that low voice of his sent a current of heat between Gu Mang's lips, gently caressing it.
Gu Mang was stimulated by this flow of heat and instinctively tried to break away from him.
But Mo Xi was exceedingly strong and restrained him with just a single hand. He gritted his teeth and said in a low voice, "Do what I tell you!"
Gu Mang did not want to obey, but he could not move. And so, he inhaled the heat and breath of this man in front of his eyes, took it all into his lungs, before he exhaled them - air that sizzled and intertwined between them.
Gu Mang stared at him.
Mo Xi was momentarily giddy. His Adam's apple bobbed as he slowly freed himself from the gripping hold that the news "Gu Mang's soul was defective" had on him. After he barely managed to stabilize his state of mind, he opened his eyes to look at Gu Mang again and was afraid that he might act recklessly. He went silent for a spell, before he suddenly asked in a husky voice, "Have I ever hit you before?"
"......" Gu Mang gave a start and shook his head.
"Has he hit you before?"
"......" He nodded his head.
"Then listen to me and ignore him."
The distance between them was too close. The breath from their lungs ended in a deadlock between them. Mo Xi deliberately avoided his cool, clear eyes, “If you obey me, I will make him scram.”
"......" A quiet nod of the head.
Zhou Gongzi saw that they were still in an embrace like they were loath to part, as if he really interrupted and put a damper on their mood for doing the deed. He became increasingly presumptuous yet indignant, excited yet annoyed.
“What’s the matter, Gu Mang, why don't you say something?”
“This is such a rare sight. You always give the cold shoulder to whoever comes to your room. Is it because he is especially handsome or because his bed skill is really good? Or, is it because he did not observe our common practices and gave a little money to a treacherous beast like you under the table?”
Step by step, Zhou Gongzi advanced closer, his breathing heavy and reeking of wine. He mumbled, “How did he managed to get a little harlot like you to be so desperate for him to bed you and let him do you?”
It was typical for someone who was wasted to speak or act in a way that others could not make heads or tails of.[1]
After he was done offending Gu Mang, he proceeded to provoke Mo Xi without warning.
“Buddy, who the heck are you? How about you turn your head around to show me? Judging from both your positions, this wouldn't be your first time here, no?”
As Zhou Gongzi was talking, he actually drunkenly staggered over to pull Mo Xi’s sleeves.
“How many times have you done him? How was the taste of our Big General Gu? Was he hot and tight? Were you pleased with his service?”
Suffice to say, Mo Xi was truly nauseated by him. A backhanded slap suddenly landed on that Zhou dude's face. His force was strong, and his slap was vicious. Zhou Gongzi was slapped so hard that his nose bled and he tumbled onto the ground.
Without waiting for Zhou Gongzi to get a clear look at him, Mo Xi gave him a kick that flipped him around with his back facing the sky and his face kissing the ground; it was the kind of angle where it would be impossible for him to turn back.
"I told you to get lost." Mo Xi's eyes were burning with anger as he gritted his teeth, "Damn you, did you not understand?"
"You dare to hit me?! You freaking dare to hit me!" Zhou Gongzi shouted, "You, you rebel! Ow, ow! Who, who, who the hell are you!"
"......"
"I'm going to report you to Junshang! No! I'm reporting you to Commander-in-chief Mo! I'm going to tell my father, I---!"
A heavy and muffled "thud" sound rang out.
Mo Xi tossed something beside Zhou Gongzi's eyes. Zhou Gongzi took a hazy glance at it and broke out in cold sweat right then and there, sobering up for the most part. He comically twitched for a moment, and said nothing more.
Mo Xi was so appalled by his filthy words earlier that his face was a little contorted. He said in an imposing tone, "Still reporting?"
"Not reporting anymore, not reporting anymore."
"Still coming to look for him?"
"Not coming anymore, not coming anymore."
Mo Xi released his grip on him and gave him a kick, "Scram! Don't let me see you again!"
Zhou Gongzi stumbled to his feet and staggered away out of their sight, not even daring to look back once.
Mo Xi remained where he was for a moment as he calmed down. He then bent down to pick up the "Chonghua Military Office Gold Token" and affixed it back into the case under his sleeves. He turned his head to glance at Gu Mang. Gu Mang was standing quietly by the wall with his hands behind his waist, watching obediently without saying another word.
His initial shock has subsided during this uproar. Mo Xi originally still wanted to follow up with questions, but seeing Gu Mang's serene face, he could only feel as if a knife had been twisted in his heart, that turmoil hard to suppress.
It was pointless to ask. Who knew what would happen again if he continued to stay on.
But at this moment, Gu Mang suddenly broke the silence and spoke up.
"He's afraid of you."
"......"
"You are also afraid of him."
As if he had been insulted, Mo Xi suddenly turned his head around and glared at him, "What am I afraid of him for?"
"You are afraid he recognized you."
"......" Mo Xi paused slightly. The hostility in the air had dissipated, but the expression in his eyes were still unappeased, "What has it got to do with you?"
"Then, did he recognize you?"
"......No." Mo Xi's voice was cold and stiff.
It was as if the hot breath that clung to Gu Mang earlier had never existed.
"But he saw your token......"
"That was a token that every important minister from the Chonghua Military Office would have; there's no name." Mo Xi took a glance at him as he fastened his sleeve. After a moment silence, he said, "......You used to have it too."
Gu Mang was somewhat astounded, "I used to have it too?"
His mystified response touched Mo Xi's sore spot, and Mo Xi was no longer willing to continue the conversation. He did not know what else he would do if he continued to stay on. Thus, he pushed the door open and left without looking back.
Out on the street, the cold night wind ceaselessly brushed against his face. He tried to calm himself, but to no avail.
His soul, defective...... and his mind, deficient...... hahahahahaha...... his mind, deficient?!
The night wind scraped across his face with a whir, and the corners of his eyes stung as if they had been cut by a knife.
He had been looking forward for so long to settle accounts with him, but in the end, all he got was this kind of ending that left him hanging.
Who did it! Who did it?!!
Was it the Liao Country? Or was it Murong Lian? Or...... or perhaps Gu Mang could not stomach the humiliation and chose this himself -- the more he thought about it, the more tumultuous he felt, until he was eventually overcome with sorrow.
His mind, deficient.
Why did his heart hurt so much...... Yes, it was true that Gu Mang gave him friendship and redemption. But he had already repaid whatever he could repay, to the extent that he even put his own life on the line to save him from straying onto the wrong path!
What else did he owe him? How else had he let him down? Whether his soul was damaged or not, whether he lost his mind or not, what had that got to do with him?
On an empty street, in the middle of the night, Mo Xi stopped in his tracks and slowed his breathing.
But after so many years of obsession, he had nothing to show for it......
His hand shook uncontrollably. A flame abruptly flared from his palm into a blazing fireball. Venting his anger, he hurled it hard towards a river in the distance. With a loud bang, it exploded into a hissing cloud of green smoke.
Gu Mang failed him.
Heaven knew how much he wanted to hear from Gu Mang, "Back then, I betrayed you, abandoned you, deceived you... I've truly regretted it; I really did care about you." But now, even this wish could not be fulfilled. At the end, all he got in exchange was a mentally deficient lunatic and fool who had completely forgot about him?! Why?!!
Mo Xi closed his eyes in anguish.
After so many years, he thought he had let go of his obsession, but he was only deluding himself.
Gu Mang was too important to him.
This person had had too many of his first times: his first time subduing demons; his first time having a heart-to-heart conversation; his first time fighting side by side with someone......
And, the year he turned twenty[2], on the day he came of age, on that very night -- perhaps he had a little too much to drink, or perhaps that small amount of wine was nothing at all --
He did it with Gu Mang for the first time.
He still remembered Gu Mang's expression at that time. Gu Mang cared too much about his own reputation when it came to matters in the bedroom. Even though his eyes were moist, and his lips were swollen, he still put on a bold front and boasted about his sexual
prowess[3]- This is nothing at all, we are all men, let's just have a good time. Here, here, here, do you want your Gu Mang gege to guide you?
But Gu Mang should not have spoken; Mo Xi had already essentially lost most of his reasons back then.
His entire heart was hot. He did not know how long this bond of friendship could last for before it burned out. But he knew that he would by no means do this casually with anyone just because of a little wine.
He did it only because he had a burning desire and an intense love he could not hide.
But Gu Mang did not understand at that time. Gu Mang only wanted to redeem his reputation after he got pinned down. So he made all those kinds of confounding and absurd remarks, and destroyed whatever little rationality Mo Xi still had left with his very own hands.
In the end, Gu Mang could no longer keep up with it, and he began to shake his head while lying prone as he sobbed and implored Mo Xi not to use that much force. He even began to choke and confess that even though he slept with many ladies before he had never slept with a man, and it was all a lie to fool Mo Xi when he said that he had slept with a man, and what's more he had never been slept by a man before.
But, no matter what he confessed, what he owned up to, what he pleaded for…...
Mo Xi could no longer stop.
Until at last, Gu Mang finally cried under his rough treatment, and he cried so much that he could not speak except to look at him with his eyes all red. It was only until then that the desire in Mo Xi's eyes were no longer that out of control.
He caressed Gu Mang's face and said, I'm sorry, are you hurt?
Tears hung onto Gu Mang's eyelids, his face red in Mo Xi's palms, his lips trembling slightly. He had really been taught a brutal lesson by Mo Xi. What was worse was that, who would believe that this military ruffian, who was so full of dirty jokes, had not even really slept with a girl before?
Seeing his silence, Mo Xi bent over to kiss him. As their lips touched, the tears in Gu Mang's eyes rolled down to his sideburns. Mo Xi stroked his hair, and embraced him in his arms without another word more. He kissed the damp corners of his eyes as he took in the warmth of the person in his arms.
When the young has taken their first bite of meat[4], even a sage would not be able to stop.
What's more, Mo Xi was never a sage to begin with.
It was just that he had never met a person who could make him lose control.
He was the one who fell in love with Gu Mang first.
So all along, he had lowered his stance; he never dared hope to obtain Gu Mang's first time. He could only carefully entrust all the first times that he had considered important in his own life into Gu Mang's hands. He refused to say how important these were to him. He was too strong-minded, but in his heart, he still nervously hoped that Gu Mang would cherish these olden times.
But Gu Mang trampled all over his heart.
It was true that he did not really want to stop Chonghua from bringing him to trial or even from killing him. He even had the thought that if Gu Mang had to die one day, then he wanted to be the last one to judge him, the last one to torture him, and then he would crush him with his own hands.
Knead him into a paste of blood, grind his bones into powder, and scatter his ashes into the wind.[5]
This would be for vengeance for the kingdom.
But leaving aside vengeance, he had never truly thought about wanting Gu Mang dead. In fact, he only wanted to demand the truth from Gu Mang, to hear his heartfelt words.
After all this time...... the truth was that...... he actually only wanted to ask, Gu Mang, when you left Chonghua, left...... me, have you not had even the slightest bit of regret?
After all these years of love and hatred, gratitude and resentment, he could at least have an ending that could more or less give him a little sense of closure, tough as it may be.
But this phrase, "his soul, defective; his mind, deficient", destroyed everything.
Gu Mang had forgotten; he would not suffer.
Whereas he was condemned to eternal damnation with no hope of reprieve.
No one knew that Mo Xi went to Fallen Blossom Court to secretly meet Gu Mang, but for the next few days, the people in the Military Office clearly felt Commander-in-chief Mo's irritation.
Although he usually pulled a long face, and was impatient when talking to others, the change in his mood had became more and more apparent in the recent days. Even though he was never distracted during the military meetings, his tone had became more and more blunt. If someone were to engage in a little chit-chat during the meetings, he would not interrupt them, but he would immediately glare at that person with a sullen look.
Until that person swallowed their nonsense back into their mouth.
And what's more, no one knew what the young master of the Zhou Clan did wrong, but he was summoned by Commander-in-chief Mo for seemingly no reason at all and then lectured for the better part of two hours for being "lazy in military affairs and overindulged in debauchery."
"Copy the Military Office Training Regulations a hundred times and hand them to me tomorrow." Mo Xi said, "If you do this again, I'll get your father to drag you home himself."
Zhou Gongzi responded fearfully and left while still quaking in his boots.
Yue Chenqing moved closer to him and asked in a gossipy way, "Hey, what mistake did you make?"
"I, I have no idea......"
"If you didn't commit any mistake, that cold fish would not be that furious." Yue Chenqing rolled his eyes, and asked conspiratorially, "Fess up, did you secretly hide Princess Mengze's portrait?"
Zhou Gongzi immediately looked shell-shocked and the color drained from his face, "Give me a break buddy, I wouldn't dare!"
Yue Chenqing stroked his chin, and looked towards Mo Xi who was in the distance scrutinizing the sand table with his arms folded, "That's really strange, he looked as if he had swallowed gunpowder......"
In the end, after consuming gunpowder for two days and pretending that he did not give a damn, Mo Xi finally threw in the towel and asked his residence's steward about Gu Mang's ordeal for the last two years.
Being a steward these days was not really easy. One had to be able to serve in both the hall and the kitchen. He not only had to be his master's think-tank, but he also had to soothe the sorrow of his wife, pacify his concubines, and suppress the racket made by his sons.
The steward of the Xi He residence was named Li Wei. The stewards of all the other governmental officials' residences envied him, saying that the people in Commander-in-chief Mo's residence were uncomplicated; he had no wife, no children and no concubines, so that was a lot less to worry about. Only Li Wei knew how tough it was to work under Commander-in-chief Mo.
That was because Commander-in-chief Mo always threw out questions out of the blue. He might stew over certain matters for a long time until he could no longer bear it. Only then he would ask about it. And by this time, Commander-in-chief Mo's patience would have already been worn thin by his own self, so much that he would want to know the answer immediately and would be unhappy if he had to wait for even a little while.
Steward Li always had to dot the i's and cross the t's as well as cover all the bases while working under this superior. After a period of time, he simply became an old hand at it. During Mo Xi's period of silence, he would have already observed his body language and expressions, and from there, guessed exactly what Mo Xi might be getting himself into a stew over and how much longer before his tolerance ran so low that he detonated. He would have even considered his responses to Commander-in-chief Mo after his outburst.
It was the same this time.
Mo Xi bit his lips and lightly said two words, "Gu Mang......". He had not even said anything about Gu Mang when Steward Li quickly cut him off.
"Yes, Zhushang, Gu Mang is broken all over!"
"......" Mo Xi said, "Did I ask you this?"
Sometimes being too smart was not a good thing; Steward Li obediently zipped his mouth shut.
Mo Xi frostily turned his head and looked at the hot tea on the stove. After a moment, he asked with an expressionless look, "...... How was he broken?"
Author’s Notes:
Before getting on the boat bed:
Gu Mang (shameless face): Laozi[6] never leave a speck of red when going through a thicket of tens of thousands of flowers.[7]
While getting on the boat bed:
Gu Mang (crying face): I lied to you I lied to you I lied to you please don't be so brutal ah ah ahhhhhhhh!!!
After getting on the boat bed:
Gu Mang (shameless face): Laozi never leave a speck of red when going through a thicket of tens of thousands of flowers.
Mo Xi: ......Some people just have a short memory. They forgot the pain after the scar has healed...... Have you healed? Alright, then I will give you another lesson; one ought to be honest.
Translator's Notes:
[1] 前言不搭后语, disconnected or contradictory sentence. To speak incoherently or make no sense.
东一榔头西一棒子, literally hammer in the East and cudgel in the West. To act or haphazardly or randomly.
[2] 弱冠: coming of age at 20
[3] 万花丛中过，不留一点红！lit. Not a speck of red was left when going through a thicket of tens of thousands of flowers. Basically boasting about his sexual prowess; flowers refer to women here.
[4] 开荤 to begin or resume a meat diet after an abstinence or break a vegetarian diet (especially as a practice observed in certain religions). Also refers to someone who has a novel experience.
[5] 扬灰挫骨: lit. grind bones into powder then scatter the ashes. Used to describe the depth of sin or hatred.
[6] 老子Laozi. Not to be confused with the philosopher. Laozi here means “I” usually used by men in an arrogant manner.
[7] 老子万花丛中过，不留一点红！"Laozi never leave a speck of red when going through a thicket of tens of thousands of flowers." Basically boasting about his sexual prowess; flowers refer to women here.
Dante's Notes:
A couple of people have asked, so yes! Translating this to other languages is permitted as long as long as you DM me on twitter to check in, I'm @shizunofficial there!
Lianyin is MVP for translating this chapter.